A solidão aperta, mas estar preso a alguém, apertava mais.

Something I wrote long time ago

We are minor in everything but our passions

 

Mas, porque não compreendia as outras pessoas, e tinha de viver no meio delas, tornei-me uma actriz

"Some are born to sweet delight, some are born to endless night."

William Blake

"the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
much
and nobody finds the
one
but keep
looking
crawling in and out
of beds.
flesh covers
the bone and the
flesh searches
for more than
flesh."

Charles Bukowski

Who are you?
Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?
Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them?
I have. I am fucking crazy.
But I am free.

The loop

Due to my anxiety getting worst and interfering with my life I am back on my meds again... To those who don't know, I suffer from anxiety, namely social anxiety. While it doesn't sound bad (apparently there are people who find it cute, which makes me go wtf?!) in a long term it's devastating and can really mess you up, not only psychologically, but physically too. Having too much stress in every single aspect of my life, has finally broken me down, leaving me with the feeling of crying and despair and holding everything back only leading to more anxiety which leads to more sense of despair. Ah! the internal loop I constantly live on..

As 2013 arrived I decided to change that, so I headed to my doctor and said I needed to go back on meds. Never really told her why I quit in the first place, but I was glad she didn't ask. After all, this is my attempt to get healthy and live a normal life, so she put me back on Socian.

House Update: After all the drama related with the electricity (basically they were demanding us 100euros or something to activate it because there were some unregulated months from last year... Which we had nothing to do with it) we finally have permission to activate it and, therefore, the rest (like the water and Internet... You don't forget the Internet). House is fully furnished and the only thing left is to take what we have in my parent's house (bed, chiffonier, refrigerator, tv, laptop); to buy a microwave and one of this little shits, which I have no idea what is name is, for the bedroom, bookshelves, lots and lots of bookshelves; to adopt a cat. 

Anyway, it's almost 4 a.m, my sleep is finally kicking in so I'll hit the sheets and leave you with some random pics of new years and my face.