"Some are born to sweet delight, some are born to endless night."

William Blake

"the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
much
and nobody finds the
one
but keep
looking
crawling in and out
of beds.
flesh covers
the bone and the
flesh searches
for more than
flesh."

Charles Bukowski

Who are you?
Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?
Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them?
I have. I am fucking crazy.
But I am free.

The loop

Due to my anxiety getting worst and interfering with my life I am back on my meds again... To those who don't know, I suffer from anxiety, namely social anxiety. While it doesn't sound bad (apparently there are people who find it cute, which makes me go wtf?!) in a long term it's devastating and can really mess you up, not only psychologically, but physically too. Having too much stress in every single aspect of my life, has finally broken me down, leaving me with the feeling of crying and despair and holding everything back only leading to more anxiety which leads to more sense of despair. Ah! the internal loop I constantly live on..

As 2013 arrived I decided to change that, so I headed to my doctor and said I needed to go back on meds. Never really told her why I quit in the first place, but I was glad she didn't ask. After all, this is my attempt to get healthy and live a normal life, so she put me back on Socian.

House Update: After all the drama related with the electricity (basically they were demanding us 100euros or something to activate it because there were some unregulated months from last year... Which we had nothing to do with it) we finally have permission to activate it and, therefore, the rest (like the water and Internet... You don't forget the Internet). House is fully furnished and the only thing left is to take what we have in my parent's house (bed, chiffonier, refrigerator, tv, laptop); to buy a microwave and one of this little shits, which I have no idea what is name is, for the bedroom, bookshelves, lots and lots of bookshelves; to adopt a cat. 

Anyway, it's almost 4 a.m, my sleep is finally kicking in so I'll hit the sheets and leave you with some random pics of new years and my face. 

Is it wrong

 

 Managed to grab a bit of time today to sit and write even if no one reads this (lets face it, you're here for the pictures). As I said on my previous post, I'm in the process of moving out of my parents house into my own small place. It has only one bedroom, a kitchen/living room, bathroom and a porch. I feel excited and very stressed (work also helps that). Most will be second hand bought and I will probably have my own Batman living room. The idea of having freedom, of being able to piss at 3am without getting screamed at seems wonderful to me.

Latety my head has been a mess, some certainties I had, no longer exist and I see my future and part of my sanity spiralling into an abyss. Logical thinking conflicts with emotional thinking and I fear the second one will win, turning my life even more restless...

Anyway, enough with the emo gibberish and some unreleased photos (of course, one is an ass photo).

 

Addicted to Lana del Rey's Is it wrong.. Oh that woman drives me insane with love!

Because the motherfuckin hairdresser that I went today, decided to fuck my hair for good with a goddamn blow-drier... I really don't understand how she did that in 10 minutes... I bleach my hair all the time and it NEVER got to this state, full of split, brittle ends! I'm so pissed right now.

Hanging High

Finally I had time to try out my new camera 1100D.. I have so many things to write about but I'm in the middle of moving out of the house so that will have to wait, but I think by the end of this month I will be able to make a proper post.
Besides this three photos, I still have some more to edit.. Also say goodbye to my bright red hair, because tomorrow is going dark brown red.